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Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous

Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous

Comedy · 2008

When fluffy, bubble gum movie star Megan Valentine suddenly finds herself broke and humiliated in the public eye, she wanders from the wreckage of a car accident and witlessly enlists in the U.S. Army hoping in vain that it will change her life.

Movie details

Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous

“The Army Will Never Be The Same”

2008 Comedy 1h 40m

Critical arithmetic

One number, for now.

TMDB

6.2 / 10

Community rating

When fluffy, bubble gum movie star Megan Valentine suddenly finds herself broke and humiliated in the public eye, she wanders from the wreckage of a car accident and witlessly enlists in the U.S. Army hoping in vain that it will change her life.

CriticWise case file

What this film says about your taste.

Not a recommendation score. A measure of how closely the film’s taste signals resemble yours.

The archetype split

Who fights over Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous?

The split comes from the same five-axis model used by the test, not audience ratings or review sentiment.

Taste neighbourhood

Nearby on the taste map.

TMDB supplies the candidates. CriticWise reorders them by craft, strangeness, prestige, emotion, and pace.

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Names above the title

The people responsible.

Directed by

Steve Miner

Written by

Kelly Bowen · April Blair

Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson

Private Megan Valentine

Vivica A. Fox

Vivica A. Fox

Sergeant Louisa Morely

Steve Guttenberg

Steve Guttenberg

Sidney Green

Aimee Garcia

Aimee Garcia

Private Vicky Castillo

Olesya Rulin

Olesya Rulin

Private Petrovich

Keiko Agena

Keiko Agena

Private Hailey Hamamori

Jill Marie Jones

Jill Marie Jones

Private Connie Johnson

Court is in session

Put Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous on trial.

Two incompatible taste archetypes. One film. Read the arguments, then issue a completely binding cultural ruling.

The defence The Popcorn Loyalist

“It owes the canon nothing.”

The movie pursues immediacy and audience pleasure without begging institutions to certify its worth.

The prosecution The Big-Idea Head

“Easy pleasure, short half-life.”

It moves efficiently through the moment but offers little reason to keep arguing once the credits end.